I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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