The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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