I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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