i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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