2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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