if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just found puke in my bra..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize