Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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