She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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