I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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