My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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