the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize