theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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