just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
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Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
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Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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