this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize