Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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