imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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