hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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