the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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