well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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