You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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