i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
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Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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