He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
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she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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