I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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