Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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