i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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