I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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