DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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