Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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