Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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