Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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