I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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