She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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