Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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