i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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