I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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