I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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