I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize