Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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