I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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