it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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