Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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