Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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