I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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