That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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