hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize