why didn't you poke me back
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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