She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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