All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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