Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
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I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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