Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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